Book Review: Didn’t See It Coming

I’m not an emotional guy. My wife would attest that I can be emotionally dense.

So I often don’t understand why I have feelings (or even that I have them at all) until much later.

One of the major things I was unprepared for entering into ministry is the emotional toll that it would take on me. The burnout, cynicism, emptiness, and loneliness that resulted from years of taking wounds from wounded people caught me off guard.

I entered ministry with idealistic dreams, but reality sucker punched me in the mouth.

It’s one of the major things that led me to a season of depression years ago.

So when I heard about Carey Nieuwhof’s latest book, Didn’t See It Coming, I jumped at the opportunity to get my hands on an early copy.

Carey is transparent about how he experienced a drastic season of burnout from his years of leading a growing church, and his story resonates closely with mine.

Didn’t See It Coming is ultimately about identifying and overcoming seven challenges that all leaders face: cynicism, compromise, disconnection, irrelevance, pride, burnout, and emptiness.

It will help you identify the warning signs of these challenges, and give you practical advice from first-hand experience on how to overcome them.

Coming from someone who has been through it myself, Carey’s advice is spot-on.

Highlights

I about used up the blue ink in my highlighter reading through this book, but here are a few of my favorite highlights:

Cynicism begins not because you don’t care but because you do care. It starts because you poured your heart into something and got little in return…. Most cynics are former optimists (16).

If you want to kick cynicism in the teeth, trust again. Hope again. Believe again (26).

The subtle compromises we make day after day—the half truths, the rationalizations, the excuses—create a gap between who we are and who we want to be…. And if you got dead honest with yourself, you’d say that although you haven’t sold your soul to the devil, you’ve rented it (37).

All the competency in the world can’t compensate for a lack of character (38).

While it’s easy to spot hypocrisy in others, it’s much harder to see it in ourselves. That’s because we judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions(44).

Life-giving conversation is a back-and-forth exchange in which people take an active interest in one another. Think of it as a Ping-Pong match. If you hold the ball too long, you’re not really playing (80).

Love has a speed. And it’s slower than I am…. Love pauses. Love lingers. Love offers full focus and gives more than it takes. When I run too fast, I outrun love, and the people I love pay a price (84).

Pride is, in many ways, the master sin. It’s the root of our rebellion against God, against others, and even against what’s best for us (117).

Of all the lies we tell, the ones we tell ourselves do the most damage (139).

Sleep is like money; deficits become debt, and debt needs to be paid off (160).

If you want to beat emptiness, find a mission that’s bigger than you (191).

Money isn’t the mission. Money funds the mission (192).

Summary: Highly Recommended

Perhaps the only downside of the book is that it is written for a broad audience. So while a lot of the examples from Carey’s life are directly applicable to pastors and believers, at times, the writing lacks the spiritual depth it could have taken so that it can reach a broader audience.

However, that’s a small critique, because it’s not what the book is intended to be. A separate book could (and probably should) be written for each of these seven challenges.

Overall, Didn’t See It Coming is the book I needed when I was going through my season of burnout. The title says it all: I didn’t see it coming, and I wish I would have.

I’m happy a resource like this is available now. Pastors need to read it, and either begin healing or take warning to guard yourself against what’s coming.

But it’s not just a book for pastors. There are many leaders in your church that would benefit from Carey’s wisdom and experience. It could serve as the inspiration for a great sermon series about what the Bible says about these challenges we all face.

Didn’t See It Coming officially releases on September 4th. You can pre-order a copy today here and claim some cool bonuses here if you do.