Tremble & Rejoice

The following is a guest post by Adam Tisdale, Pastor of North Hills Church in Meridianville, AL. Adam blogs at helpmyunbelief.wordpress.com about the intersection of his faith and his cancer.

“Man plans, God laughs”  (Yiddish Proverb)

I’m not preaching this week, but that wasn’t my original plan. And I tend to love my plans. I wonder if God laughs at me – more like a sympathetic chuckle, I imagine.  He knows my foolishness and loves me still. Even to alter my plans, even good plans, to accomplish His purposes. Thankfully, I’ll be preaching the week after. And then another week off, followed by a week on. And this is the pattern, which I did not want or choose, for the next 5 months or so.

Permit me to back up and explain.

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Photo Credit: Kelly B ccTowards the end of February, I knew my preaching series on 1 John was going to be wrapping up and then Easter would follow shortly thereafter. At that time my biggest concern was trying to figure out was I was going to preach on for a few weeks and also for Easter (well, a little more specific than the Resurrection). I primarily preach expositorily through books of the Bible, alternating between Old and New Testaments. All of which means that I can struggle sometimes when I have finished a series, but it’s not profitable to start a new one yet.

The other plan I was working on was getting a break the Sunday after Easter. I was going to take a few days of study leave and head to the mountains of Northeast Alabama for some extended prayer, reflection, and study. I was really looking forward to that time, especially knowing there was going to be some exhaustion from preaching the previous 13 weeks. As an aside, I think it’s healthy, where possible, to get out of the pulpit every now and then on weeks that aren’t vacation weeks. With the elders’ approval, I began making those plans.

“The Record Scratch”

And then the record scratched. My record. My plans. There was a colonoscopy, endoscopy, & CT scan at the very end of February to determine the cause of some health symptoms. The very next day, I received the call that no one wants to receive and that this 36 year-old did not expect (at least before the tests). Colon Cancer was confirmed, with surgery immediately forthcoming the next week. I got one last sermon in before surgery. And then all my plans, preaching or otherwise vanished. Poof. Gone.

We praise the Lord that the surgery was effective and the prognosis is very good. And yet, chemotherapy is deemed necessary, or at least strongly recommended; especially to better the percentages that reoccurrence will not happen.  This, as all thing are, are under the Lord’s sovereign and wise command. So, I began the chemo regimen a month and half ago and have completed three cycles to this point. And thus, the schedule reflected above.

On the weeks that I have chemo treatments I am unable to preach or do much of anything really. But the next week, as I begin to recover, I am able to do what I love on Sunday. Preach the Gospel! We are in a place right now where we must endure the hard days, but we also work to enjoy the good days.

“Tremble & Rejoice”

The Lord is teaching us (me, my family & friends, our congregation) much through this suffering.  One of those things that the Lord is graciously helping to remember, recapture, and learn is to tremble and rejoice that He has called me to preach. Let me flesh those two things out a little bit.

Tremble: Listen, I know the grind of preaching week in and week out – teaching Sunday School and then teaching again at Sunday Evening service too. I know how feels to just be glad you have something, anything to say, when you step in the pulpit to preach. And I know the double-edged sword of preaching a really good, or great sermon. You are thrilled, of course, when it all comes together. But the next week the pressure to do it again is merely added to the pressure you already felt. That and a thousand other things we’re thinking about it. And yet, it is pride and arrogance to merely step into the pulpit and think preaching is about us. Or to simply forget how great and awesome is the task at hand.

Think about it. You get to stand up in front of a local assembly of God’s people (and hopefully a few who don’t yet know the Lord) as the Lord’s spokesman. His mouthpiece. His servant. Tremble that the Lord would use us and tremble at how great a task he has entrusted (“Woe to me if I do not preach the Gospel! – I Corinthians 9:16). Tremble, that He know everything about us (“For He knows our frame, He remembers we are dust” – Psalm 103:14, ESV), he called us anyway. Tremble because, in yourself, you are incapable of doing what you have been called to do.

I am not suggesting that you should physically be shaking as you step into the pulpit.  That might be awkward. But inwardly tremble as you prepare and pray. Tremble before you get there, so that as you stand to preach, you do so as humble sinner redeemed by God and called according to His purpose.

Rejoice: But don’t just tremble because it’s a great and awesome task, but also rejoice. Again, rejoice, that the Lord would decide to use you. Even if it’s just every other week. Or maybe only when the Sr. Pastor is on vacation. Or just the Sunday after Christmas (also known as National Associate Pastor’s Sunday…sort of like Youth Sunday). And yes, every week, if that’s your calling. I do not want this post to come across as a guilt trip or a call to not take preaching for granted.

Let’s be honest, we take a thousand things for granted all the time. Including preaching. But I do want you to remember the joy of preaching. To be eager, even (Romans 1:15). To know and remember the joy of seeing someone nod or even shed a tear when we have proclaimed the truth of God’s Word and have touched somewhere in their hearts. The joy of unfolding the great story of redemption and love that is woven through the whole tapestry of the Biblical storyline week after week. And on and on. Not too mention, that rejoicing is a great antidote for our preaching pride, self-sufficiency, and forgetfulness. What a task, but also what a privilege!

I do not know the number of days that the Lord has ordained for my life, nor for my time in the pulpit. This awful trial has helped remind me to cultivate my trembling and my rejoicing. And I hope even the same for you.