What To Do When You Feel Lonely

Have you ever felt lonely? It’s like an empty feeling of sadness when you feel isolated, rejected, or lacking any meaningful connection with someone else. But loneliness isn’t just something that hits people who are living all alone. You can be in a crowd of thousands of people and still feel lonely, because you lack a connection with anyone around you.

Some of you are lonely at home because you’re alone. Some of you are lonely right here in this church because you are new and don’t know anyone. Or maybe you’ve been coming here for years and still don’t feel like you know anyone.

And going into the holiday season of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years seems to be when loneliness hits the hardest. It can be a reminder of loved ones who are no longer in your life and a longing for meaningful connections that you imagine everyone else has but you. Even if you have friends and family, you can still feel isolated and alone, especially when there is family dysfunction.

Loneliness is a big problem, and it’s getting bigger. We are more connected and more lonely than ever before! How is that possible?

We have more communication devices and opportunities to connect with other people than ever before, and more people feel lonelier than ever. As the quantity of connections increased, the quality decreased.

And it’s no surprise after what happened back in 2020 when everyone was forced to work from home, avoid human contact, and quarantine in complete isolation.

In fact, just last year, the Surgeon General of the United States sounded the alarm that we have a loneliness epidemic! He published a report that pointed to research that found that loneliness is more dangerous than smoking 15 cigarettes a day! So you’re better off chain smoking with friends than breathing fresh air in isolation! That should alarm us because neither is good.

And while this is surprising for sure. It shouldn’t be! Why? Because the Bible has been warning us about this from the beginning, literally.

What Does The Bible Say About Loneliness?

In Genesis 1 and 2, God created the world, and everything was good except one thing: He made the heavens and the earth and it was good. He made the plants and it was good. He made the animals and was good. But then he looks at Adam, who was literally the only human being on the planet (talk about being alone!).

And in Genesis 2:18, God says, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (ESV). So God makes Eve from Adam’s rib, symbolically showing that they would live, work, and play together side by side. Adam is thrilled, and then God performs the first wedding. Adam is no longer alone, and all is good.

And everything would have been perfect, except, as many of you have heard the story, Adam and Eve rebelled against God, and sin entered the world. And why is sin such a big problem? Sin separates!

It separated Adam and Eve. They quickly have the first married couple’s fight. Adam blames his problems on Eve (and on God for creating her), and Eve blames the serpent. And we’ve been blaming others for our problems ever since.

Even worse, sin separates us from God. Isaiah 59:2 says, “your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.”

Sin separates. So, loneliness is a direct result of a sinful world. And here is the point: As Christians seeking to follow Christ in a broken and sinful world, we often feel alone.

While loneliness is never ideal, it is often a price that Christians pay for following Christ. Following Jesus can feel lonely, but you are not alone.

And you might say, “Brandon, what do you mean by that?” Well, I’m glad you asked. In the rest of this sermon, we are going to look at some examples in the Bible.

DAVID FELT LONELY.

David wrote in Psalm 142:1-2, 4 “1 With my voice I cry out to the LORD; with my voice I plead for mercy to the LORD. 2 I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him…. 4 Look to the right and see: there is none who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me; no one cares for my soul.

David wrote this psalm about a time in his life when he was hiding in a cave from his enemies who were hunting him down to kill him. He had done nothing wrong except follow the Lord’s leading, but his righteousness and success were a threat to King Saul who wanted to kill him. 

But notice what David does here. He cries out to the Lord. 

So here’s what we can learn from David: When you feel lonely, pray. 

God will hear your cry. You aren’t completely alone because God is with you. So talk to him about it. Pray about it, and seek his help in your time of need, just like David did. And the God who delivered David will also deliver you. 

JEREMIAH FELT LONELY.

Jeremiah wrote in Jeremiah 15:16-17, ”16 Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts. 17 I did not sit in the company of revelers, nor did I rejoice; I sat alone, because your hand was upon me, for you had filled me with indignation.”

When everyone else was partying, Jeremiah could not join in because he knew God’s Word. The people of Israel were in direct rebellion against God. They had worshipped false gods. And Jeremiah’s task as a prophet was to call them to repentance and declare God’s impending judgment on them. Do you think that made him popular at dinner parties? No way!

He was rejected. He was alone. He could not participate in the celebration and sin of everyone else around him. Sometimes, following God means sitting alone at home on a Friday night. Your friends are out doing what you know you shouldn’t do.

When I was in high school, I was dedicated to following Jesus and it cost me. Nearly all of my friends started going to parties and smoking weed. And as a Christian, I wasn’t going to be about that life. So when offered to join them, I said no. And it cost me most of my friends. They all stopped inviting me to hang out, because they knew where I stood and that I wasn’t going to do what they wanted to do. I had some lonely times because of that. But I don’t regret it for a moment. God brought me better friends who didn’t do those things, and I was spared a lot of pain and regret that would have come if I joined that life.

God has called you to something greater, to clean living. And while you are grateful for it, you feel lonely when you stop getting invited to go out.

For the many people in our church who have broken free from the chains of alcohol or drug addiction and had to stay away from people who brought temptation your way, you know how lonely that can be. But it’s worth it. 

Look what Jeremiah said, God’s word still brought joy and delight to his heart, even when he was alone. So here’s what we can learn from Jeremiah: When you feel lonely, delight in God’s Word. You will be more satisfied in knowing and obeying God’s Word than you ever will be by joining in any form of sinful living that enslaves your soul. 

If you were formerly running with the wrong crowd and had to distance yourself from them to be obedient to Christ, you are lonely for a good cause. But that loneliness doesn’t have to persist forever because you are in good company with many other believers. 

ELIJAH FELT LONELY.

In 1 Kings 18, Elijah has a miraculous victory for God against the evil King Ahab, his infamous Queen, Jezebel. But then he runs for his life because Jezebel vows to kill him. After over 40 days on the run, Elijah comes to a cave, and he speaks with God. 1 Kings 19:14,

14 He said, “I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.” 

Elijah feels like the only one left. He has done everything that God asked him to do, and even when God performed miracles, the people of Israel still continued to reject him. Elijah has lost all hope. He is lonely and alone. 

15 And the LORD said to him, “Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus. And when you arrive, you shall anoint Hazael to be king over Syria. 16 And Jehu the son of Nimshi you shall anoint to be king over Israel, and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place. 17 And the one who escapes from the sword of Hazael shall Jehu put to death, and the one who escapes from the sword of Jehu shall Elisha put to death. 18 Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.” (1 Kings 19:9-18)

God tells him to leave his cave of isolation and go anoint new kings. Wait, weren’t Ahab and Jezebel in power in Israel? Yes. That’s the point. God is promising Elijah that their reign of wickedness will soon come to an end. 

And catch what else he says, Elijah isn’t alone! There are 7,000 other faithful believers in Israel just like him. And they probably feel alone and isolated too. But they are not. And because it’s not good for man to be alone, God tells Elijah to go find a young man named Elisha who will be his prophet apprentice. Elijah cannot and should not continue alone. 

So here’s what we can learn from Elijah: When you feel lonely, leave the cave and find other believers.

Some of you need to hear that today. You feel like the only Christian in your world. But maybe, just maybe, you are like Elijah here thinking you are alone when there are thousands of Christians in this city just like you. Find your fellowship of believers. That’s what this church is all about. So get connected in the church. Join a group. Serve in a ministry. And you will find other people like you here who can relate to all your struggles trying to be a light for Christ in a dark world. 

A recent study by the American Bible Society found that 25% of people who never go to church experience high levels of loneliness compared to only 12% of weekly church attenders. Statistically, this is proof that going to church can lower loneliness by more 50%. 

The Christian life is not meant to be lived alone, yet it often feels lonely when following Christ. So find partners in ministry. Find brothers and sisters in Christ. 

PAUL FELT LONELY.

Paul was deserted. When he was in prison, he wrote in 2 Timothy 4:16-18, “16 At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me. May it not be charged against them! 17 But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. 18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.”

Even when nobody was with Paul, he had the Lord, and that was more than enough for him. But because of fear of persecution, all who had been with him fled, and he faced his prison sentence alone. 

And notice: Paul forgave those who abandoned him. He didn’t hold a grudge and gave it to God. Don’t miss how important this is. 

The American Bible Society study I mentioned earlier also found that people who were unable to forgive others had a 36% chance of being highly lonely. But those who were able to forgive others even if they didn’t ask for forgiveness cut their chance of loneliness to just 16%. 

So here’s what we can learn from Paul: When you feel lonely, forgive people. 

That’s what following Jesus is all about, isn’t it? Forgive others. And when you learn to do that, it’s amazing how God can work to restore relationships, leading to less loneliness in your life. But if you constantly refuse to forgive, it should be no surprise that you have less satisfying relationships. So if you are lonely because of broken relationships, learn to freely forgive others as Christ forgave you, even if they desert you like Paul and even if they don’t ask for forgiveness. You can forgive others even if they don’t ask for it.

EVEN JESUS FELT LONELY.

Jesus felt loneliness as much or more than any of us. He was deserted by all of his disciples. 

Before he was crucified, he even predicted it to them. 

“32 Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. 33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:32-33).

As we’ve said before, the key to fighting loneliness is to remember that God is with you. Even if the whole world turns against you, if you believe in Jesus, you still have him with you. And if nothing else, that will give you peace. Because Christ has overcome the world. So you have the assurance of hope and nothing to fear. 

But Jesus warned that following him wouldn’t come easy. He says, “You will have trouble,” not “you could” or “some may.” Trouble is coming if you follow Jesus. You’ll have to make some sacrifices.

Jesus says this in Matthew 10:34-39, “34 Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

Following Jesus will sometimes cost people their relationship with their parents. There are many who live in Muslim countries, for example, who have to count the cost of following Jesus because if they convert to Christianity, they will be disowned by their parents and potentially have to flee being killed by their own family members. Most of us in America can’t relate to that extreme. But if you come from a family with a different religious background, choosing to say “Yes” to Jesus means saying “No” to their beliefs, and that can cause conflict in your family. This is what Jesus is talking about. 

Relational conflict is never the goal. It’s not what we want. We want to fight for our family, not fight with our family. We want to forgive freely and love greatly. 

So here is what we can learn from Jesus: When you feel lonely, remember you are not alone. God is with you. So don’t give up.

While following Jesus can be hard, and feel lonely if your family isn’t walking with Jesus too, it’s always worth it! The Kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field or a pearl of great price. Even if it costs us everything we have in this life, it’s worth infinitely more.

You Might Feel Lonely, But You’re Not Alone

Following Jesus can feel lonely, but you are not alone. Just because you feel lonely doesn’t mean you have to stay lonely. 

Here’s a hard truth that God has put on my heart that some of us in this room need to hear today: Sometimes our loneliness is our fault. 

You can’t always look at your loneliness and scream, “Persecution!” Sometimes, it is persecution. But sometimes, we are just being mean, annoying, unwilling to listen, passive-aggressive, or self-righteous in our judgment of others.

Let’s knock that off. If you are estranged from your family or friends because of your faith in God, I’m sorry because that’s really hard. But I would encourage you to take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask, are they rejecting me because they are rejecting God, or are they rejecting me because of me? Am I being sinful, judgmental, self-righteous, or unforgiving? Am I speaking the truth in love?

Ouch. That hurts because it’s easy to fall into that.

Let the gospel offend, not your behavior. The gospel is offensive, but the love of Christ in the heart of a believer expressed towards a sinner is incredibly attractive. Show the love of Christ to all people in your life, and if you offend them, let it be because of the gospel message to turn from sin and believe in Jesus, not because you expect a sinner to stop sinning before they even believe in Jesus.

Following Jesus can feel lonely, but you are not alone. Grace is a free gift, but following Jesus is costly. 

But if you are following Jesus and feeling lonely, know these 5 things: 

1. Like David, pray.
2. Like Jeremiah, delight in God’s Word.
3. Like Elijah, find other believers.
4. Like Paul, forgive.
5. And like Jesus, remember, you are not alone. God is with you.

You may feel alone, but God is calling you to something greater.

And if you are not a Christian and you are here today, the call for you is simple, turn to Christ. Embrace him and he will welcome you into his family, and you will be welcome here, and we’ll find a place for you to fit in.

Even if you are rejected by everyone around you, that would be a small price to pay compared to the glorious riches and joy of following Jesus. In heaven, there will be no more loneliness. You’ll live forever in perfect paradise with Christ and all believers from every generation, including your loved ones who believed in Jesus and have passed on before you. It’s a truly beautiful thing.

Sin causes separation and loneliness, but Jesus came to restore what was broken and offer forgiveness to all who believe. And if you believe in him, one day you’ll be with him in heaven where there will be no more loneliness because there will be no more sin. So don’t give up.